The Passion of Not Knowing

I no longer consider myself a “seeker”, although my life appears to be enveloped by “seekers”. Yet, I do seek an answer to this question. Accept that one has met their true Self. In this life they have gone beyond death in their search for ‘freedom/love’ and returned to this incarnation. One has accepted the infinite. How does one then find their divine calling? How they are to manifest the divine in this world? What is the creation from the divine that their particular incarnation was to bring forth? Or was the only purpose of this incarnation to know its Self and then die? It was so easy to plan, plot, and scheme, from the goal-oriented Ego, but now that illusion is shattered and the realization has set in that I am not that, then who or what am I? And what am I to do on this earth? I would like to stick around and see how it all turns out but what am I to do? So all of the above is precursor for this question: Enlightenment, Now What? If we sincerely want to know the truth about life, how things really are, we cannot assume anything. Otherwise, there is no real process of discovery, and we wander around endlessly in a world of subjective opinion, speculation, and confusion. Would you know your own Self this very instant? Do you have the courage, the integrity, and the passion to abide in this intimate, infinite unknown, with no props or fictions whatsoever? If so, you will quickly realize that questions like these, as sincere as they may seem, are a defense. If there is any doubt, stop, this instant, and relax into a simple, direct awareness that there is nothing that you can know in advance – nothing you can know about yourself, and nothing you can know about the universe. Any hope or assumption that you can is just the play of thought, of insecurity, of a futile desire to control and contain That which knows no limits or restraints. How honest are you willing to be? Are you willing to come to terms with the fact that you know absolutely nothing?

(Pause.)

What remains? What is always here? What is everywhere? You are This. It has no name and does not fit into any philosophy or religion, which are only constructs of memory, thought, and emotion. It does not fit into any ideas about your life or my life. You simply cannot fit that which is infinitely large into that which is static and limited.

Any assumption that I am supposed to be something, or that my life is supposed to be about something is a form of bondage and self deception, no matter how noble it sounds. What is my divine calling? God wants me to be a teacher, most likely an enlightened one, or a healer, or a philosopher, or some kind of saint or religious leader. The flip side of that is I am absolutely convinced that God does not want someone of my intelligence, knowledge, or experience to end up a janitor, a dishwasher, an accountant, a plumber, et cetera. The fundamenatal flaw in all of this is that the central concern is how I look, what they think about me, what my wife or my girlfriend or my potential lover or other people might feel about me, and so on. How could I ever explain that I’m not just an ordinary janitor – I’m a Self realized janitor(!)

Do you see the humor in it? If Gandhi, for instance, had been preoccupied with some self definition based on prestige, some label or image of himself as a lawyer or a religious or political leader, he might have never discovered, moment-to-moment, the passion that unfolded as the beauty and mystery of his life. In other words, as long as we are trying to write and rewrite the story of our lives, and as long as we are, overtly or surreptitiously, trying to solidify our reputation and make ourselves more powerful or respectable, we will never discover our passion.

In the absence of all such self centered ambition, if you completely open your heart and completely open your mind, you will find a passion so subtle and so deep and so tender, with everyone and everything, that the entire universe will weep with joy and gratitude. If you let everything be an expression of that passion, what you do will matter not at all.

-Your own Self-
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